Sunrise
by Azurelitestar
Summary: This is the beginning of an end; an end to the relationship these two mortal enemies once had. / Spoilers for the anime and novels, including the Izaya Sunset novel.


This is a story about one of out many possible futures.

A future that is born from a twisted past; a mere drop in the ocean of possibilities springing from the streams of time.

And just like any other story, it starts with a beginning—

The beginning of an end.

* * *

Our story begins with a question.

"Hey... Is that who I think it is?"

A question that is innocently asked by an innocent young man in his late twenties, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple where his dreadlocks hang as he raises and points a hesitant finger towards something in the distance. The man named Tanaka Tom soon regrets the words that leave his mouth, bringing to one Heiwajima Shizuo's attention the presence of a man whom everyone has believed to be either dead or gone from Ikebukuro altogether.

It's all that's needed for Shizuo to turn and look at where - or more specifically, who - his senpai is pointing.

His response is immediate, running on the fuel named instinct and the sheer innate strength that his body possesses and that he is no longer as ashamed of as he was before. Passers-by take a glance at his expression, pick up the pace and disperse from the area, leaving the Ikebukuro's crouching tiger's target clear in the open. Tom offers a silent prayer.

And then the man in the bartender uniform slams the tip of the stop sign on the ground, launching himself into the air like a catapult, and when he lands the concrete of the pavement cracks, the earth sinks and shakes, and a shockwave spreads across the stretch of the road. The person he's set his sights on stills, unable to move further, and now that he's gotten closer Shizuo can see, can recognise, the _face, the hair, the eyes, you really_ are _alive but why_ _—_

"I thought—"

The metal in his hands bends.

"—I said—"

It twists and crumbles and breaks.

"—to never—"

He discards the fragments of steel from crushing the stop sign.

"—step foot—"

He takes a heavy step forward.

"—in Ikebukuro ever... Ever..."

And then another, before he stops. Because it isn't until then that he notices the tremors in the other man's arms as they clutch onto the armrest and the way his wide-eyed expression freezes in place.

It's a look that Shizuo recognises anywhere, even if you were to cover his eyes with a blindfold and place him in the opposite end of the prefecture. It's not a look he would ever expect to see on this man in front of him.

A look of fear. Of undeniable, painfully evident—

Fear.

Terror.

The kind of look you would only expect to see on someone who has just come face to face with a monster.

A savage beast.

A murderer.

"...Izaya?"

The man with the silky black hair blinks out of his stupor – a rare sight in and by itself – and slips on one of his carefully rehearsed smiles. A smile that Shizuo hasn't seen in what felt like ages, yet feels so entirely alien altogether.

"Hey, Shizu-chan. Fancy running into you here."

 _Shizu-chan._

Even the way he says that terrible nickname feels wrong.

Like it's not meant to be spoken so soon – and yet so long – after the last time they met. Like things are not meant to be this way.

And yet here they are. In the middle of a random stretch of a road in Ikebukuro. Surrounded by chipped off pieces of concrete and dirt, and a ruined stop sign fallen to the ground, forgotten. With people looking in, and not understanding what is being unearthed here, what is transpiring between these two men who had always been trying to kill each other in a twisted cycle of violence and hatred.

This is the beginning of an end—

An end to the relationship these two mortal enemies once had.

* * *

 _This is a dream,_ Shizuo thinks as he mutely watches Izaya getting wheeled round and round the living room by an adolescent dressed in a blouse and overalls.

He doesn't voice that sentiment aloud, thinking that if he did the flea would just tease him endlessly for it. And considering the condition Izaya is in, it might even be taken for a personal insult, and Shizuo doesn't want any misunderstandings at the moment when he's here for a particular purpose, so he decides to bite his tongue and continue sipping the barley tea that was offered to him when he stepped into the hotel room.

But it doesn't mean he is going to remain silent forever, so he picks what seems to be an appropriate thing to say, as he continues watching the way the boy wheel Izaya around.

"...Oi, no matter how you look at it, that's going a little too fast. He's gonna make the flea fall off his..."

 _Wheelchair,_ his mind supplies what his body doesn't. _He's going to make the flea fall off his wheelchair._

The girl sitting to his right spares him a look so dry and blank Shizuo thinks he's looking into Kasuka's eyes for a moment. Her response is not what he expects, but then again he hasn't been expecting a reply of any sort anyway.

"...So let him fall."

"...Eh?"

"...It's not like he will die. ...Unfortunately."

She says with a voice so monotone, her gaze so absolutely withering, devoid of any warmth and energy that someone her age would normally have.

But then again, who is he to decide what's normal and what's not? Perhaps the idea of having any normalcy in a place like Ikebukuro is aberrant by itself, when one observes the types of people and the things that happen in this city. His strength isn't the only abnormality the city has seen in its time.

And he has a sinking feeling, with the flea showing his face around here again, that his hometown is going to witness yet another unusual event.

Soon.

Yes, that's what Shizuo is here for—

Not to get all chummy with the flea and the kids he's roped into his shady business over barley tea and sweets.

Not to watch how the teenage boy is going to send Izaya flying off his wheelchair at the rate he's pushing that thing.

Not to make sure that the flea is really, truly alive and that he hasn't actually killed someone that day and that this whole thing isn't a dream.

No, he's here to find out _why_.

Why Izaya, after four and a half long years, has decided to return to Ikebukuro.

The only thing Shizuo knows, is that it can't be for anything good.

Because that's just how Orihara Izaya is as a person.

It just has to be.

"...You think so too?"

The little girl's question brings Shizuo back to reality.

A reality where he's sitting on a couch in the fancy hotel room the flea is staying, holding a cup of barley tea in his hands, watching the flea getting wheeled around at lightning speed, and wondering if he's still dreaming.

"Hunh?"

"...That it's sad he won't die that easily," she murmurs, picking up a piece of dark chocolate from the box of sweets on the table.

"Oh," says Shizuo. Not knowing what else to say, he sets his tea down and reaches up to rub the back of his neck, casting his gaze to the carpeted floor. "Well..."

"It's alright if you want to try killing Izaya onii-chan, though," the girl then says, quite abruptly.

"Huh? What—"

"Even if you do it right in front of me. ...Because I...hate him."

The girl in the expensive-looking white dress and black cardigan turns, giving him a piercing look. It's there and then, that Shizuo knows that she knows, even without him saying it, and it both baffles and amazes him how she can just do that without a speck of emotion in her face and voice.

Shizuo can't help it; he smiles.

"You...really remind me of someone I know."

"...Is that so."

"Whoopsie!"

Their conversation is interrupted as the boy exclaims as he skids to a halt, looking like he's just tripped over himself. And sure enough, when Shizuo looks over in their direction, he finds the flea keeled over on the floor, using his bare hands to hold his body up to stop himself from falling flat on the ground completely, the wheelchair rolled and toppled over beside him.

Despite the position he is in, Izaya chuckles. It's lighter than Shizuo remembers it being, and he's not sure if it makes him more or less wary of the other man's presence in Ikebukuro.

"Ahaha. Haruto-kun did that on purpose."

The boy looks completely aghast at the mere notion.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Izaya-san! Honest!"

"Mm-hm."

"Besides even if you fall and hit your head or get all hurt you'll get better and bounce back in no time! Because Izaya-san is amazing like that!"

"Empty praise is going to get you nowhere, my dear Haruto-kun. I'm not going to fall for that."

The boy's eyes turn wide and look as if they're actually sparkling as they regard the raven-haired man with immeasurable admiration and adoration.

"Wow wow wow! Izaya-san saw through me again! How'd you do that, how'd you do that?"

"How about you come and help me up first?" A pause, as Izaya glances in Shizuo and the girl's direction. He chuckles yet again, the smile on his face widening. "I think we've kept our guest and Himari-chan waiting long enough."

The boy is quick to obey, exclaiming "Okay!" excitedly as he hops over and does as Izaya requests. With a gruff, Shizuo turns away from the scene and shakes his head.

He feels a tug on his sleeve, and when he turns to look it's the young girl's expressionless face that greets him.

"...You...should leave. Before it's too late."

"Uh, too late?" Shizuo echoes those ominous-sounding words. "Too late...for what, exactly?"

The girl named Himari then speaks as though she's delivering a prophecy that's bound to come true, unless the appropriate action is taken, and taken immediately without a moment's hesitation:

"...For you to escape...from whatever chaos Izaya onii-chan is about to involve us in."

* * *

Nearly fifteen years ago, he met the person that would eventually become the bane of his life.

Through a seemingly harmless introduction by a friend from elementary school, on the day of the school entrance ceremony to Raijin High School, Heiwajima Shizuo came into contact with Orihara Izaya. The result of that meeting was some broken school infrastructure, a knife wound to the chest, a chase across the streets of Ikebukuro against the setting sun, and a road accident involving a truck and Shizuo getting sent flying a few feet across.

Ever since then, Shizuo's life never had any semblance of peace.

He'd had gangs sent out to kill him for no apparent reason.

He'd been framed and sent to jail for things he never did.

He'd been provoked into resorting to the violence he's always hated countless of times, costing him jobs, incurring debts, and robbing him of the opportunities to have real, human relationships.

And just when it seemed like things were actually going smoothly, when it seemed like he could finally have a stable job and not have to make Kasuka or his parents worried anymore, and meeting with people who weren't scared of him for once in his life—

His temporary peace was being threatened once again.

And that was when he decided—

He would use all the power he hated so much if it meant he could protect the things that became dear to his heart.

He would do everything he could to make sure nobody got hurt ever again.

He would become a monster for their sake—

And root out the evil that had been endangering them, once and for all.

And he, Heiwajima Shizuo, had set out to do just that.

For the first time in his life, he did not hesitate about holding back.

For the first time in his life, he had been ready to accept his monstrous nature and let the beast that he had kept bottled within him out to devour the person responsible for turning Ikebukuro upside-down.

For the first time in his life, he had been prepared to kill.

But in the end, even that had been stolen from him—

By one of the very people he had sworn to protect.

And he was told this by that same person:

"Shizuo-senpai...is human. The need to kill...is zero."

Instead, she had said, she would be the one who should do the killing.

Just as she was about to do so, though—

The man they had both been attempting to kill vanished from their sight.

Since that very night, Orihara Izaya was never spotted in Ikebukuro again. And then all sorts of rumours started to spread throughout the city.

Some said he was alive, somewhere, and that he had gone into hiding to recover from his wounds.

Others said he had died before he could even receive any medical attention, reasoning that it would be near impossible for him to have survived the damage that had been done to his body if he didn't get help in time.

And yet some others claimed that he had managed to get as far as the other prefectures like Saitama, Kamakura or even Shizuoka before he got himself done in by his other enemies who also wanted him dead.

Shizuo didn't know which to believe. And neither did he care to know which was true.

Because all that he wanted, was for Orihara Izaya to never step foot in Ikebukuro again.

And for a certain period of time, he thought that was all there was to it with regards to their relationship.

They met, they fought, and they went all out in trying to kill the other, and in the end one of them disappeared, his fate unknown; the other remained in Ikebukuro, leading the life he always wished he had. He thought, then, that it didn't matter if Izaya was alive, at the end of it all.

He just wanted the flea gone from his life.

And for about four years, it seemed like he had finally gotten what he had always dreamed of—

But dreams, Shizuo understands perfectly, do not always equate to reality.

(He's about fifteen years too late for that anyway.)

* * *

"So why did you come back?" Shizuo pops the question that's been haunting his mind ever since he laid eyes on the man who tried to ruin his life multiple times over.

Izaya's in the middle of sipping his barley tea when Shizuo asks him this, so it comes to no surprise that he looks a tad bit affronted especially since they – well, mostly the flea – had been talking about how much tastier it is to drink from a wine glass and the proper way of holding and drinking from it just moments prior. It's not a question he thinks Izaya is expecting, at this particular point, but Shizuo doesn't doubt for a fact that Izaya has been waiting for that question to pop up nonetheless. Timing had been the issue, and Shizuo had obviously picked a horrible one.

"You could have asked that so much earlier, and you choose to wait until now to say it?" Izaya asks, pulling a frown as he places his glass down.

"Don't answer my question with a question. Tell me straight, Izaya. Why'd you come back?"

"…And why are you so curious to know about that?"

Shizuo clicks his tongue.

"I said—"

"No answering questions with one of my own, right?" Izaya gives a bored sigh. "I see you're still as difficult as ever, Shizu-chan."

"Heh. And you're still being the annoying flea you are."

Shizuo bites back, unable to stop himself from grinning slightly.

To his mild surprise, Izaya actually smiles a little wryly.

Their brief moment of reminiscence, if it can be called that however, is quickly interrupted by the boy in overalls seated on the other sofa, next to Izaya. He reaches out to pull on the black cloak that the older man is wearing, a cloak that sports a familiar tuft of fur around the flea's neck, acting as a constant reminder to Shizuo about the person he is speaking to at this very moment.

Haruto tilts his head to the side, giving Izaya a genuinely curious expeession.

"Ne, ne, Izaya-san, why is this uncle calling you a flea?"

Shizuo splutters.

"U, Uncle-?!"

"You don't look like one to me. Are you an insect, Izaya-san? A human-sized insect that looks like a human? Is that why Uncle Sozoro said that if I wanna be just like you, I'd need to get rid of my humanity?"

"Not now, Haruto-kun," Izaya reminds softly, trying to shrug the boy off.

Haruto, however, doesn't give up that easily.

"It's true, isn't it? Izaya-san's actually an insect in disguise? Because even if that's what you are, Izaya-san, I don't mind! If it means becoming just like you, Izaya-san, to know everything and everyone so that I can help other people, I don't care about—"

"Now stop right there."

Izaya cuts the teen off in the middle of his rambling.

Shizuo almost doesn't believe what he's seeing.

Because there right there, on Izaya's face—

Is a gentle, but stern, frown.

Two things that normally don't go well together, but that's what Shizuo is seeing nonetheless.

"I told you before, Haruto-kun, about why I don't want you thinking like that."

Haruto looks down on his hands, the smile completely wiped off his face.

"...I know."

"And I told you just now, if you want my advice on anything, leave it until later."

"...I know," Haruto grumbles.

"Well if we're clear on that, then run along and find something to occupy yourself with that doesn't involve carting me around. You too, Himari-chan. I'll call you over shortly after I'm done talking to _Uncle Shizuo_ in private."

Izaya emphasises with a cheeky grin. Shizuo's brow twitches but he says nothing in reply.

"...Okay."

It's Himari who responds when Haruto doesn't.

They then both get off their respective sofas and head for the door that will lead them to a connecting room; Haruto with a crestfallen pout on his face, Himari looking as emotionless as ever. Wordlessly the two adolescents enter the room, and close the door properly behind them with a click.

"So," Shizuo begins, partly in jest, partly being irked for real, "it seems like you still have a death wish, don't you? I-za-ya-kun."

"Oh please, it's not like Haruto-kun knows your actual age. Besides, it's a rather amusing nickname. Though I still prefer calling you Shizu-chan, of course."

Shizuo scoffs.

They fall silent for a while, and Izaya makes a move for his wine glass when it looks as though neither of them intends to say anything. Shizuo only watches him, silently, before he sighs and leans forward, resting both arms on his lap, eyes on the flea and the way he drinks his tea.

"...Why did you come back?"

Shizuo repeats his question for the third time that day.

Izaya rests his cheek against his fist and gives his glass a bored swirl.

"Must you always ask that when I'm having my drink?"

He answers back with a question again, and likewise for the third time that day.

Shizuo doesn't bother pointing that out this time, however.

Because he knows by now.

If he were to do that again, they would only keep going back and forth, back and forth, stuck in a neverending self-perpetuating cycle of questions birthing questions birthing questions.

It's Izaya's strategy, he thinks. Whether the flea is actually conscious of it, is not for Shizuo to say, and neither is he interested to know.

Because his purpose in coming here is simple.

To know the reason behind Izaya's return.

Anything else is just a distraction.

So Shizuo proceeds with what he has been intending to say this entire time, unimpeded by Izaya's tactic of diversion.

"Knowing you, you can't have come back just for a plain ol' visit or something like that. 'Specially not after what happened... The day you left."

"You know, you can just be upfront and talk about how you sent me crashing through a building and completely shattered my arms and all. I've long accepted that I narrowly escaped death by your hands that day. Oh, and by the hands of your dear kouhai as well. How is she doing, by the way? Do you still keep in contact?"

"...I'm not gonna fall for that, flea."

Shizuo growls, brushing off whatever Izaya just said as one of those distractions. No matter how tempting it is to follow up on what Izaya had brought up, how tempting it is to keep up the pretense of this conversation being akin to two friends catching up after years of not seeing each other, how tempting it is to just forget about what he came here to do and just ask how the hell Izaya can say all of that as if the events from four years back haven't affected him in the least when Shizuo knows – and has seen for himself, even if it was only for a split second – that isn't the case at all.

"Don't make me ask again," he says instead.

Izaya doesn't reply, at first.

But when he does, he does so with an obvious look of displeasure crossing his features, and it throws Shizuo a little bit off again because it's not something he's used to seeing.

"You're making me remember why it is I used to detest you so much..."

"...'Used to'?"

"Yes, just like that. That astuteness of yours. The one I passed off as your beastly instincts. It really irritated me to no end, you know? You really were quite the thorn in my side back then."

"...?"

"Ah, but never mind all that."

And just as he says so, Izaya breaks into another smile of his.

Shizuo, who has been observing him intently, can't help but let his train of thought drift at that.

 _...Was he being honest with me just now, or is he trying to distract me again..._

The fortissimo of Ikebukuro isn't given enough time to arrive at a conclusion, however.

"So. Let's start over and discuss about what it is you came here for."

Izaya begins speaking merrily.

"But first, I would like to clarify something with you before we begin our discussion proper. …Heiwajima Shizuo-kun."

The black-haired man says the name in full.

And as he continues on with what he wants to say—

Orihara Izaya does the unthinkable.

So unthinkable, that when Shizuo notices it he jumps to his feet, staring at the other man with his eyes widening behind his shades, and is rendered completely speechless for what is about to feel like eternity.

The information broker's smile widens as he proceeds to ask—

"Would you prefer being told the whole truth? Or would you rather play detective and figure it out on your own?"

—all while crossing one leg over the other, while remaining perfectly seated on his wheelchair.

* * *

"...That... You..."

"Hmmm?"

"You're... What the hell are you doing?"

"What, you say... I'm trying to have a civil discussion with you."

" _That's not what I meant._ "

Shizuo is unable to stop himself from snarling.

Izaya cocks his head to the side as he gives him an expectant look.

Shizuo doesn't notice in time he isn't even smiling anymore, and on hindsight if he had done so—

Maybe things would've turned out a little differently, that early afternoon.

But the reality is that he doesn't, and so the chain of events that is about to follow, occurs accordingly to that reality.

And that chain of events begins with yet another question.

"Are you disappointed?"

Izaya asks, voice barely above a whisper. Almost as though he's saying it that way so that Shizuo can't make out the tone in which he's saying it.

But Shizuo can hear it. He hears it all too clearly—

The voice of somebody mocking him.

 _"Are you disappointed?"_

Shizuo snaps.

"...Don't screw with me."

He growls, slamming both hands on the table. Or, to be more precise, smashing them through the piece of furniture.

Shizuo looks up, intending to glare directly into Izaya's eyes. He doesn't miss the grimace on Izaya's face, neither is he deaf to flea's breathing that's getting slightly faster, but the significance of it doesn't sink in fully with his temper threatening to flare and skyrocket through the roof.

"I knew it," he hisses. "I knew I shouldn't... Shouldn't have trusted you. I didn't want to jump to conclusions... I wanted to give you a chance. I wanted to think you might have had a real, honest, good reason for coming back. Something that could convince you to come back even after I nearly..."

 _Nearly killed you._

"But now, I'm 100% sure of it..."

Shizuo grits his teeth together.

"You've come back here, here to Ikebukuro... Because you want to make a mess out of it again. Am I right?"

Silence reigns for the next moment. And the moment right after.

Then, it is broken when Izaya, who has kept quiet all this while, melts back into his usual demeanor of annoying self-assurance as he begins to snicker.

"I see. So that's how you react."

"Answer the damn question, flea."

Izaya, however, is too caught up in his laughter to bother with Shizuo's accusation.

"I see, I see. To think that even you can be disappointed by me. You certainly are...an unpredictable one, Shizu-chan."

"Tell me already, dammit, or I'll… I'll pick you up and throw you across the room right here and now."

"Ah, but I'm certain you won't really do that."

"...Oh yeah? You sure you wanna test that theory of yours? 'Cuz I'm gonna go over, right now, to where you and that wheelchair you're sittin' on are, and I'm gonna do it. I swear I will."

"Be my guest, you're quite welcome to try."

"What's going on—eehhh?"

The ongoing dialogue between the two men is interrupted as the two teens from earlier dash out of the connecting room, no doubt having heard the commotion from outside and wanting to have their curiosity satiated. They clearly haven't been expecting to witness Izaya's guest towering above him, looking like he's about to beat Izaya senseless.

Most of the share of the surprise and horror belongs to Haruto, however, who looks like he's about to pass out from the adrenaline rush.

"Eh? Eh? Wait wait— What are you trying to do to Izaya-san, Uncle Shizuo?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm going to threaten... I mean, beat this pest up and hurl him across the room."

Shizuo answers without a moment's hesitation, even though the person he is addressing is a young teenage boy who looks upon Izaya as though he were his lord and saviour.

To such a declaration, Haruto's jaw drops as he lets out a horrified gasp.

"But Uncle Shizuo, that's... That's domestic violence!"

The silence that follows is absolutely mortifying.

"... _Aaanh_?"

"Izaya-san told me about it before. It's a very, very bad thing to do, Uncle Shizuo! Please don't bully Izaya-san like that!"

"...Okay, enough."

Himari steps in, bopping Haruto on the head.

"Ow, Himari-chan, what—"

"You're not helping," she tells him coldly. "Besides, this isn't domestic violence. Don't get yourself confused."

"Eh? It's not?"

"No, my dear Haruto-kun, it is not," Izaya reiterates, looking slightly nonplussed at the boy's choice of words. "Anyway what are the two of you doing out here? I'm still in the middle of a conversation with Uncle Shizuo. Go on, back to the other room."

"What conversation? We're not having any goddamn conversation. And stop calling me by that stupid-sounding nickname or I'll hurt you for real," Shizuo cuts in.

"Oh? Does that mean you were bluffing when you said you were gonna throw me?"

"I-za-ya...!"

"Wait wait wait, Uncle Shizuo—! C'mon Himari-chan, do something!"

"...Go get him."

"Himari-chan?!"

"What seems to be all the ruckus—well, now what do we have here..."

A bespectacled, elderly man dressed in a formal suit appears in the doorway, and for that moment all movements in the room cease as all the occupants turn to look in his direction.

"Oh! Sozoro-san, nice timing!" Izaya says, positively beaming in spite of the precarious position he is in.

"Hmph. Nice timing, you say... I say I have most probably picked the worst possible timing to return here, and I am seriously considering taking my leave once again."

"Don't say that, Sozoro-san, help me out here a little."

"I shall humbly decline. Knowing you, Izaya-dono, you most likely got yourself into this situation. Please learn how to handle this yourself."

"...Sorry, but, who the hell are you?"

Shizuo interrupts the conversation.

The older man, Sozoro, harrumphs.

"Strange. That is the very same question I would like to ask of you, young man."

Says the new intruder that has just walked into the mess, eyeing the fortissimo of Ikebukuro carefully as he closes the door behind him before striding into the living room proper.

Haruto skips over towards him.

"Ne, Uncle Sozoro, Uncle Shizuo over here says he wants to throw Izaya-san across the room, but we have no idea why."

He begins explaining.

"Uncle Shizuo is Izaya-san's guest, you see. They were supposed to be talking about something important, so Himari-chan and I went to one of our rooms but then we heard some noise and so we got out and now Uncle Shizuo keeps saying he's gonna hurt Izaya-san real bad."

"Is that so."

Sozoro gives a nod in understanding.

"I believe I have a good grasp of the situation now. Thank you very much, Haruto-kun."

"Does that mean you'll help Izaya-san, Uncle Sozoro?" Haruto asks, hopeful.

Shizuo watches as the elderly man glances in his and Izaya's direction, before he pulls a tight frown and his shoulders sink as he gives a quiet sigh.

Right then, he says—

"For you, Haruto-kun, only this once."

—and before Shizuo knows it, Sozoro is already standing between him and Izaya, proud and tall and ever ready for any attack he might be anticipating Shizuo to throw at him.

* * *

[The flea's back in Ikebukuro.]

Shizuo sends his friend such a text message once he's out of the hotel room and out on the street.

His phone buzzes almost immediately after.

[Ehhhhh?! Really?!]

Buzz buzz.

[I see... So he really is alive...]

Another buzz.

[I wonder what he's come back for, though? I sure hope he's not here to stir up trouble again...]

[You and me both.]

Shizuo replies back.

[I tried asking him nicely while we were drinking tea and everything but he wouldn't give me a straight answer. That damn, slippery flea...]

[...Wait, you met with him?]

[Well... Yeah.]

[Not only that, you even tried having an actual conversation with him?]

[Well... Yeah.]

[Shizuo, are you alright?]

If it had been anybody else asking – well, except for Kasuka – Shizuo might have taken offense to that.

But precisely because it had been Celty who said that, Shizuo is able to continue texting her calmly.

[I think I am.]

[Are you sure?]

His phone buzzes again.

[Because I can't help but worry for you, you know? It might have been a few years since then, but I still remember what you once said to me about Izaya, after you met Yahiro-kun and Kuon-kun...]

The corners of Shizuo's lips curl to a warm smile. He knows exactly what she's referring to, of course.

[Thanks, Celty. Seriously. You don't have to worry about me, I know how to handle the flea.]

[I hope so...]

[What, you don't believe that I can handle him?]

[Oh no, don't get me wrong. It's just...]

It takes a couple of minutes before the next message comes in.

[I can't be certain of this, but... Lately there's been a few rumours going around town, and they're making me a bit concerned. And now that you just told me that Izaya's back, I can't help but feel that it's probably all connected...]

[Hm? What kind of rumours?]

[Well... Apparently there's some talk about a new drug that's been released on the black market. Nobody really knows where it came from, or how it was made. But it's being sold at an obscenely high price, and people are actually willing to pay for it...]

[Huh? Why? What's so special about it?]

[I'm not exactly sure myself. I asked Shinra about it, but all I could understand from his gibberish is that it's a mood stabiliser, of some sort, but it's different from the other kinds of mood stabilisers that are used in the legal drug market.]

While Shizuo is typing a reply, his phone buzzes with another message from Celty.

[It's...a lot more potent.]

Shizuo erases whatever had been typing earlier and starts on another.

[So... What does it do?]

[It can literally stop people from feeling emotions, apparently.]

Shizuo flinches, and comes to a stop in the middle of the street, eyes glued to the screen.

[...What the heck would people even want that for?]

[No idea... It's not as if it's all that pleasant a drug, either. Shinra says that a drug of that nature and potency can easily be incredibly addictive and even lethal to some people, especially if they overdose on it which isn't all that unlikely. But rumour has it that it's being sold even among high school and college students under the guise of it being a stress reliever drug or something along those lines...]

[...Even students are getting their hands on this...]

[That's why it's a concern.]

Shizuo can imagine Celty shaking her "head" and looking down at the floor, crestfallen and helpless.

[Someone is definitely trying to spread this drug around.]

[...And you think it's related to the flea?]

[Well, I don't think he's behind all of this, I mean. But still, I can't shake the feeling that he's connected to this, somehow. Maybe he's just being employed by a drug company or something to look into this. He is an informant, after all.]

[...Yeah. Maybe.]

Shizuo types his agreement.

But in reality the former bartender isn't entirely convinced, for reasons unknown even to him.

Shizuo feels his phone vibrate in his hand. He looks back down at the screen.

[Anyway... Aside from that. Are you...okay? I mean, after what happened with Izaya and everything, and how it's been so long since you two last met...]

Another message comes in.

[I guess what I'm trying to say is... Do you wanna talk about it?]

Shizuo spends a few seconds staring at the screen before he lets out a quiet chuckle.

[...Ah,] he writes, [that'd be great. If it's not too much trouble.]

[It's no trouble at all.] Celty replies.

And so he tells her. He tells her about everything he's seen, everything he's done, ever since Tom brought to his attention Izaya's return to Ikebukuro that day. He doesn't bother hiding anything, and reveals to Celty every single detail, right down, even, to the different expressions he's seen on Izaya's face that day.

It's the first time he's managed to talk this extensively about a person he ought to be hating without flying into a rage, even after the flea tried to pull such a horrid prank on him.

* * *

Leaning against the wall of the vacant smoking room erected along the corner of South Ikebukuro Park, Shizuo watches the sky melt from blue to a blend of purple and orange while chewing on one end of his lit cigarette.

 _Phewwwww_ _—_

He breathes out a huge puff of smoke. It rises towards the ceiling like a worm crawling up a wall, bending and swaying with the cool evening breeze. He tilts his head back, watching the movement of the smoke as he ponders about something.

For once today those thoughts are not occupied by a certain information broker who has made his surprise return to the city.

No, Shizuo refuses to let the detestable flea ruin this peaceful evening, especially not when the day is already shaping up to be Orihara Izaya Day with the flea having taken up so much of Shizuo's time. Instead, he is thinking about something else for a change, an observation he has made since entering the compact room with transparent walls.

 _...It's...awfully quiet, for a Sunday evening._

Shizuo brings the cigarette to his lips again, a motion he's so used to doing that he doesn't realise he's doing it.

Indeed, there's barely anybody in sight, even though he's in a public area in one of Tokyo's major cities. Though he wouldn't call it deserted, it's still a little bit odd not seeing a huge crowd of people walking around Ikebukuro at this time.

Shizuo figures it probably has something to do with the fact that _he_ himself is there. While he would say that things have been a lot better after the flea left Ikebukuro, there're still a considerably significant part of the population that's terrified of him, and so people usually steer clear from his path whenever they can. When he was a kid, this sort of thing used to sting more than the broken bones he often afflicted upon himself, but over time he learnt to accept it and soon enough he was the one who wanted people to get away from him, instead. Now it's kind of like a balance between the two extremes, so he still does get instances when people wouldn't want to be caught in the vicinity of wherever he's at, and he can understand why perfectly.

As he continues pondering about that, while taking a deep whiff from his cigarette—

The door to the smoking room slides open.

"Ah! It's Shizuo-san! I knew that was your back I saw. And smoking, too! Tut tut, that's no good, that's no good at all, Shizuo-san. You're going to end up with lung cancer or something down the road if you keep doing that. If you die then who will be there to help us get first row tickets to Yuuhei-san's movies and all his limited edition merchandise?"

Shizuo lets out a tired sigh, turning to meet the person who has just interrupted both his thought process and his quiet, tranquil alone time alike.

"...Mairu," he acknowledges. "What're you doing here?"

He then raises a brow when he notices something amiss.

"And where's Kururi? Isn't she with you?"

The two names he has just mentioned: Mairu and Kururi. The names belonging to a pair of identical twins who can't get any more vastly different in personality.

They also happen to be Izaya's younger sisters.

It shows, Shizuo thinks, the family resemblance. For one thing, they all seem to have a penchant for pestering him, although for very different reasons. The twins have an understandable reason for trying to use Shizuo in order to get closer to their idol, who happens to be Shizuo's younger brother. Izaya, on the other hand, just annoys him only because he can.

Although it sounds like the Orihara twins frequently come and bug him for all things Hanejima Yuuhei-related, Shizuo doesn't, in fact, see them around all that often. Even if he does, Shizuo tries not to approach them if he can. It's hard to do so, admittedly, when the first thing he wants to ask, instinctively and naturally considering their relation to the flea, is always about how they have been doing since their brother's disappearance. They may seem bouncy and perfectly fine and energetic on the surface, but Shizuo can never be certain with the two of them, and it's never wise to ask such an insensitive question anyways when he's the one who probably drove their brother away in the first place.

Most of the time, it would be the twins themselves who pounce on him, and it's during those occasions that he finds it easier to sit down and talk to them. Probably because all they really want from him is tickets to Kasuka's meet-and-greet event or things with Kasuka's face on them that most normal people can't get anywhere else.

Just like what Mairu is doing right now.

However, there is a stark difference about what Shizuo is experiencing now compared to the usual.

That is, the glaring absence of Orihara Kururi.

So he asks, as it is the most obvious thing to ask about in such a situation:

"Where's Kururi?"

Upon hearing that, Mairu's brows disappear behind her fringe, and her eyes widen slightly, and for the briefest of moments he suspects he sees worry flash across her eyes.

"...Eh? So you haven't seen Kuru-nee either? Mmmm... I wonder where she could've gone... We were in the middle of looking for kimonos together this morning... Ah well! It's Kuru-nee, after all. She probably bumped into one of our past schoolmates and decided to dump me for him and gone off somewhere. I'm sure I'll be able to find her soon."

The bespectacled twin replies, and Shizuo can tell that she's trying to mask the shakiness in her voice behind the false optimism she's injecting into it.

"You don't really believe that."

"...Eh?"

"You've already checked with whoever that person is about whether Kururi's with 'em. And from the way you're acting, I think she's not."

"...What are you talking about, Shizuo-san? Does it look like I keep in contact with people like former schoolmates? Nay, because the only person I need to keep in close, intimate contact with is Kuru-nee. Everyone else should just forget about trying to get in-between us."

Mairu insists, pouting, making Shizuo question his life and why he just has to have such great affinity with people whose family name is Orihara and seem to share the same behavioural trait of lying straight in his face.

"There's nothing wrong with admitting that you're worried, you know."

"What? I'm not worried. Kuru-nee's fine, I'm sure. I was just checking..."

"She's in college, right? Raira University or something."

"Huh? Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with..."

"I heard about there being some weird drug going around. For relieving stress, or, whatever. I mean. I know Kururi isn't someone to fall for somethin' stupid like that... But the problem is, she ain't a black belt like you. And if there's some sick, shady asshole out there who's set their eyes on her as a target, the moment you two are separated she can't defend herself. ...You've been thinking like that. Right?"

"..."

Shizuo removes the cigarette from his mouth, pinch it until it crumbles to dust and drops it to the ground, and rubs it into the floor with the bottom of his shoe.

"I don't know where I can find your sister…but I sure as hell will help you ask around."

* * *

Shizuo's resolve to help Mairu find her missing twin brings him to a place he doesn't entirely expect to be at.

"Sorry if I remembered wrongly, but, you're one of Izaya's younger sisters... Is that right?"

The question is asked by a well-built man who is wearing a beanie and flanked on both sides by some of his friends, seated on the tatami floor of one of the private rooms of the Russia Sushi restaurant.

All forms of movement and breathing seem to cease momentarily when the name – as if it were a taboo word; a forbidden thing to say in these parts of Tokyo – departs as though it were nothing from that man's lips. Simon has just slid the doors shut, Yumasaki Walker is left tilting the tip of the tea pot suspended in midair as he is about to pour in his cup, Karisawa Erika is biting halfway through a sushi piece, Togusa Saburou is staring at him wide-eyed; and Kadota Kyohei himself, simply has his arms folded across his chest as he addresses the two people – specifically the bespectacled adolescent with a pigtail trailing behind her – sitting in front of him.

The way Mairu appears to flinch and freeze up at the mention of that name doesn't escape Shizuo's notice, and he wonders, briefly, only during that moment, if he should've either come clean with her about having met with her obviously alive older brother or dropped Kadota some hand signal code or whatever shit to remind him not to mention that name, out of concern for how Mairu will take to it. Since, after all, Izaya is her family by blood.

His concerns, however, he will quickly find out, are unfounded.

"Huh? You know that horrible good-for-nothing older brother of mine?"

And then, just like that, the tension in the room vanishes into thin air.

Shizuo catches the grin on Kadota's face, and realises, then, that Kadota had meant to drop Izaya's name in the conversation from the very beginning.

"Ah, that's right. My name is Kadota. Kadota Kyohei. I used to be classmates with your brother, back in high school. We met before a few times, in fact. The last time was a few years back at that hotpot party, if you remember."

"Oh is that so? Sorry, my memory's not all that good. That's kinda Kuru-nee and Iza-nii's thing."

"No worries. It _has_ been a couple of years since then, after all."

Kadota reassures her, while secretly elbowing Togusa beneath the table when the other man is caught grumbling under his breath, "Your brother does a lot more than just remembering things... Oof."

"So, then, what's one of Iza-Iza's family members doing here? And with Shizu-Shizu, no less?"

Erika asks, and before anyone can give a proper answer she lets out a gasp that could almost be mistaken for a drunken hiccup, covering the lower part of her face as her cheeks turn rosy and her eyes appear to sparkle.

"No, wait, could it be...? Are you here to let us in on some super-duper top secret plan for Shizu-Shizu to spring a surprise proposal on Iza-Iza?"

"... _What_ ," Shizuo deadpans, completely unimpressed.

"Dude," Togusa speaks, "don't ask. Seriously. You'd only be encouraging her."

And true enough, as if to prove his point, Erika begins rambling about dates and confetti and cakes and wedding rings and whether it would be more romantic to do it in the Konica Manten Planetarium or the Sunshine Observatory and all that and more, in such quick succession that it's nearly impossible to follow her train of imaginative and unrealistic thought.

"But we're not here for any of that," Mairu clarifies, before pulling a somewhat distasteful frown. "And Iza-nii with Shizuo-san...? Really? Aww, that'd just make it harder for me to kill him if he has Shizuo-san being his knight in shiny armour."

" _That's_ what you'd worry about?" Walker splutters, flabbergasted. "And don't go saying things like that in front of Karisawa-san. She's gonna think you're actually supportive of her ideas!"

"There's gonna be hugs... And kisses... Lots and lots of kisses, ufufufu~"

"...That," Shizuo growls, voice dangerously low, "is never. Ever. Going to happen."

Kadota releases an exasperated sigh.

"Yumasaki, could you get Karisawa out of here for a while?"

"M-me?!" Walker cries out. "B-but then I'd have to deal with Karisawa-san's rated, uncensored ramblings! The kinds that are not meant for delicate ears like mine! Again!"

"Oh, so you'd rather deal with me?" warns Shizuo, who, although indeed having come a long way from past days of flipping and throwing whatever he can find in the vicinity the moment his temper so much as spikes, still doesn't handle having his patience tested in such a manner all too well. And sometimes, it's worse when he _isn't_ venting through hurling something across the room, because it means that his very presence and aura becomes all the more stifling and terrifying.

That sometimes is happening right now, before the van gang and Mairu's eyes, because Shizuo is doing all he can to hold himself back from picking up even a piece of sushi and trampling it beneath his foot. Besides, Simon won't appreciate the gesture very much.

Walker gets the message, thankfully, and immediately skedaddles out of the room dragging a dazed Erika with him.

"Well, finally," Togusa breathes out, rubbing his temple.

"I agree," Kadota sighs once again. "Sorry for what happened, Shizuo."

"...It's okay," Shizuo says with a shrug. "Just... Make sure I don't hear her saying stuff like that ever again."

"Will do."

"Ehhh but I wouldn't mind," Mairu speaks up. "I thought that was pretty funny. If only Kuru-nee was here to see that."

"...Speaking of which, where is your sister?" Kadota asks, being mindful not to comment on Mairu's opinion about whatever had just transpired. "I usually see the two of you together."

"Ah, that?"

Mairu's smile widens, but the corners never seem to reach her eyes.

"That's actually why we're here, Kyohei-san."

And she then proceeds to tell him all that has been happening.

"...I see. So that's how it is."

Kadota murmurs, mostly to himself, before he fixes a hardened gaze upon his former schoolmate and another former classmate's younger sister.

And then, he says, so casually as if it were nothing, that Shizuo can only hope that he is just testing the waters with Mairu again—

"Have you talked to Izaya about this?"

—Just like that.

"...Eh?"

Mairu's eyes widen, and though she thinks she can hide it underneath the table Shizuo, who is seated next to her, can see her fingers curling into the fabric of her skirt.

"Just now... What did you just say, Kyohei-san?"

She asks, her voice a little bit too shaky for Shizuo's liking.

It is then that Kadota understands that he's made the wrong move.

"I mean, um... You can always try contacting him by dropping a text. Or. Something... If he's still alive, maybe he can try to help, using his skills—"

He tries to rectify the situation, but he is stopped from doing so when Mairu continues speaking.

"No, you've met with Iza-nii already. I just know it," she responds, her voice steeling. "Where? Where did you last see him? Some place in Ikebukuro? Maybe even here, like what Shizuo-san and I are doing right now?"

Kadota and Togusa both remain silent, but that only serves to betray them further.

"...Seriously, Kadota?" Shizuo says breathlessly. _You too?_ goes unasked.

"...Damn. I messed up."

Kadota slaps his own forehead, admitting his error.

"When I saw how you reacted when I mentioned Izaya's name earlier, I thought maybe you've already come in contact with him..."

"Well, we haven't," Mairu retorts uncharacteristically. Shizuo doesn't correct her misunderstanding, and neither does he intend to at the moment, because the effect of having one sibling turn up alive after years of zero news and contact and another vanish without a trace again on her is evident, and he doesn't want to add on to that. "And good grief, Iza-nii still isn't dead yet? Here I was hoping you'd tell me it was all just a joke and that his funeral is gonna be next week or something."

"...Mairu."

"Hang on, just give me this moment, Shizuo-san. I need to curse Iza-nii to hell, and I know Kuru-nee would love to do it too, so I'm gonna do it on her behalf. The nerve of that Iza-nii of ours, thinking he can just up and leave without telling his adorable, angelic sisters about it, and now after four years he decides to just show up and let everyone but us know that he's alive? How is that even fair when he's supposed to be treating us like any other human and not as his family? I wish he were dead. I wish a truck would just run him over and grind his body into dust. Or for someone to bash him in his head and stab him over and over again and leave him to rot. Yeah, for Iza-nii, a slow, painful death would probably be the best. And it would be even better if Kuru-nee and I were there to watch it with our own eyes so that we can have a good laugh about it."

"...Sheesh, how much sicker can you get?"

"Togusa," Kadota reprimands. His friend seems to quieten down after that. "Sorry about him, Mairu. Sometimes Togusa doesn't really think through before he says things."

"It's fine, Kyohei-san. I get that all the time," Mairu responds, her smile widening.

Just then her phone begins to ring and vibrate. She takes it out, and, after a glance at the screen, promptly bounces back up on her feet.

"Oh wait, sorry, I'm gonna have to take this call. I promised I'd keep my gym instructor updated about Kuru-nee and to let him know I'm not in any trouble, too, but I forgot to give him a ring this entire afternoon. I'll be right back."

The moment she steps out of the room, Shizuo brings a fist to the surface of the table, exerting just enough force for the tableware and dishes to skip a beat but nothing drastic like breaking the corner off or smashing it into splinters and pieces. It's enough to get Togusa leaping in his seat, however.

"The hell d'you do that for?"

"Whoa, shit, what—"

"She might not act like it, but she's still the flea's sister. She said all that shit because it's her way of saying that she's been worried sick about him, and she doesn't really have anyone to say that to with Kururi gone missing. And you went and insulted her like it was nothing."

"Hey, look, how was I supposed to know Orihara-language? Besides, even if it's her way of worrying, the things she said were still pretty messed up!"

"Okay, okay, settle back down. The both of you."

Kadota, ever the voice of reason, decides to intervene.

"Togusa, I know you didn't mean it, and I think Mairu understands, too. Just make sure you apologise to her later on when she's back, and just remember to be more mindful of what you say from now on. Alright?"

"And you, Shizuo. I'm glad that you're standing up for someone who's related to Izaya and that you haven't threatened to beat Togusa up just yet. But you're scaring him right now, and we can't tell you what we know unless we're all calm and comfortable with each other. Do you know where I'm going with this?"

"...Yeah."

Shizuo withdraws his fist back to his lap where his other hand is resting. He takes in a deep breath, which he then releases as a sigh.

"Yeah, I get it." He tilts his head in Togusa's direction. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. I was just...pissed off."

"...I'm sorry too," Togusa apologises, bowing his head.

"Great," Kadota says, shoulders relaxing, "so now all we can do is wait until Mairu is back so that we can—"

"Wait, Kadota."

"Huh?"

"Can I clarify something with you?" Shizuo requests.

Kadota raises a brow.

"Sure... What is it about?"

Shizuo rubs the back of his neck.

"How was the flea...when he came to see you?"

Kadota blinks, looking slightly taken aback at the question.

"How, you ask... If I have to put it mildly, I'd say he's doing alright. Alive, definitely, but, definitely not in the best of health, and I'm not just talking about the physical aspect of it."

"So you do think he's gone a bit loopier than he used to be," Togusa says bluntly, "since he came to thank you and all."

"Don't go putting words in my mouth. Sure, I did think it was a little strange at first, but in hindsight, I think, there really wasn't any other thing he could've wanted to talk to me about."

"...'Thank you'?" Shizuo echoes. "The flea's actually capable of saying that sort of thing?"

"Yes. Yes he is," Kadota answers, suddenly looking exhausted.

"But... It's the flea."

"Izaya," Kadota says, "isn't who he used to be anymore. Similar, yes…but different, too."

"...You really think that?"

"Well, yeah. At the very least, I don't think he was trying to deceive me. Especially not with Simon around, watching his every move."

"...You said he's not in the best of health," Shizuo changes the topic a bit.

"Ahh, I did," Kadota replies. "Let's just leave it at that."

"Why?" Shizuo questions. "Is it because I tried to kill him, all those years back?"

"Shizuo..."

"You don't want me to know how badly I hurt him, right? I get that. But are you gonna say the same thing if Mairu asks you, too? She's got the right to know, doesn't she?"

"..."

"Forget whatever it is the flea asked you to do for him. Tell me honestly, Kadota. What's wrong with the flea?"

"..."

"...Kadota?"

"...I see."

Kadota leans back, heaving a sigh of what Shizuo interprets as complete and utter—

—Relief.

"I see," Kadota says again, and he says it with a proud smile on his face. "He's really done it, that Izaya. He really did muster up the courage to meet up with you."

"...Huh? What do you... Wait, how'd you—"

"See, Izaya told me, when he swung by last night."

Kadota appears to chuckle as he reminisces his recent meeting with the man named Orihara Izaya, a man who's notorious for ruining other people's lives as his profession.

"He said that if you were to one day meet up with me and find out I've met with him, and that if you keep insisting on getting the details of his condition from me... That would be when I would know that he's gone to meet you."

"Huh…? And why would he be so sure of that?"

"Because, and I quote him when I say this, he would find a way to make you curious enough to do that."

"...Make me curious enough?"

Shizuo phrases it like a question, but somewhere, deep in his heart, and far in the back of his head, he knows that he already has the answer to that question.

His throat suddenly goes dry, and he swallows a lump of saliva.

"Did he...say how he would do that?"

"Not exactly, but... I think I have a good idea."

Kadota then bends forward, as if to bridge the gap between him and Shizuo, and goes on to reveal that very same answer:

"Izaya tried to move his legs. Didn't he?"

"...!"

Shizuo draws in a sharp intake of air. It's as good as a confirmation to Kadota than anything else, who nods in understanding.

"He did the same thing to us, you know," Togusa supplements. "We got a shock when he came wobbling in and letting us know he was alive this whole time, but we got an even worse shock when he said he had to leave and then Simon came in to carry him back to the wheelchair by the door. It's kinda like what he did to you, except in reverse."

"It's odd," Kadota says. "From what I know about what happened back then, you didn't break his legs at all. People said they even saw him running and jumping about and everything... And you'd know better than anyone else what kind of injuries he had, so all the more you'd be suspicious about him from the start if you saw him in a wheelchair."

"...But that," Shizuo begins to speak, "doesn't completely answer my question."

"...I guess not," Kadota admits. "What you're really asking about, is whether Izaya genuinely needs that wheelchair. Is that right?"

Shizuo doesn't reply. And he doesn't need to, because Kadota has already just spoken his mind.

Kadota sighs for the umpteenth time that night.

"Let's see, how should I put this... I'm not an expert on this kind of thing, and I've been keeping my distance from Izaya since high school because in no way do I want to be the slightest bit affiliated with his shenanigans, so what I say is purely my own opinion and may not be entirely true. But then again, you might say that it's precisely because I see him from a distance that I'm able to view him in a more wholesome light, so take what of it as you will."

Kadota says, rubbing the back of his head.

And then, just as he's about to elaborate more, for no apparent reason, he stops himself from doing so. Instead, he folds his arms across his chest again, regarding Shizuo with an utmost serious expression crossing his features.

"But first, I need you to promise me something, Shizuo."

"...Hn? What's that?"

"You have to promise me this."

Kadota takes a deep breath.

"Whatever you do, or however you may feel about whatever it is I'm about to tell you, don't ever take pity on Izaya."

"Pity him? Me? Kadota, does it look like I'll ever— I still haven't even forgiven him for what he did."

"I understand that, but I still need your word on this. Otherwise, you're only going to be repeating the mistakes of other people when it comes to dealing with Izaya, and I want to spare the both of you from that in case you see him again."

"...?"

"I told someone this once, when they wanted to interview me about what I thought of Izaya as a person."

 _Interview...? Where have I heard..._

"You might not believe me when I say this, but... I think of Izaya as an extraordinarily fair person who's really sensitive to what's going on around him, especially to other people. If you try to make use him, he'll turn that back on you and make use of you. If you try to approach him with the intent of hurting him, he's going to sense that and do the same to you, destroying himself in the process.

"...So if you decide to take pity on him, Shizuo, he's just going to find you even more pitiful and do everything he can to prove it to you. And that, I think, is only going to drive him further apart from the rest of humanity, which is the least he needs right now. Because at the end of the day, Izaya's still human, so trying to make him behave and act like he's not won't help matters."

"Flea ain't human," Shizuo grumbles.

— _Yeah, I remember now._

 _An interview, about the flea..._

 _I was asked the same thing too._

 _And, I think, this is what I said_ _—_

"He's a zombie," Shizuo continues.

"...That's even worse than pitying him," Kadota says with a grimace. "I thought you would try to genuinely befriend him after I told you that."

"Friends? Me and that louse? You must be kidding, Kadota."

"That's what I told Kishitani, but he still believes that you two have the potential to be the best of friends. And I'm beginning to think the same."

"The two of you are out of your minds, if you think... Wait, when was this? You talking to Shinra."

"Hm…? Just before you and Mairu dropped by. Why?"

"...So Shinra knows? That Izaya is back?"

"I didn't establish that with him when he called, but I think he had an inkling, considering the timing. Come to think of it, Izaya himself talked about Kishitani for a bit, but it's probably just a coincidence. It didn't sound like they've met up just yet, since Izaya explicitly told me not to tell anyone about meeting him last night. Especially not to you or Kishitani."

"Then... What did Shinra say? About the flea?"

"Hmm? Well, actually, he didn't call specially to talk to me about Izaya or anything. He just wanted to invite me to join him in watching the Coming of Age Ceremony speech tomorrow. Says it's to make up for a proper Coming of Age Ceremony we've never really had... Not that I'm blaming you or Izaya for that, I mean."

"Oh, yeah... It's tomorrow."

"Right. That's actually when he said that part of him wished you and Izaya could mature for a bit and make up and be friends. It was from there that we talked about Izaya a little. Quite the coincidence, all things considered... Hm? Hey, Shizuo, are you still with us?"

… _Coming of Age Ceremony...?_

 _If I remember correctly, it's only for those who have hit or are gonna hit twenty in that year..._

… _A_ _ren't lots of people still in college at age twenty?_

 _And come to think of it..._ _Don't people normally wear formal clothes to this kind of event?_

 _What is it that Shinra asked me, back when it was our Coming of Age Ceremony... Whether I'll go in a suit or a hakama?_

 _Then, for the girls, it's…kimono._

 _That's right. They wear kimono._

 _Mairu said it herself._ _That she and Kururi were buying kimonos this morning._

 _And Mairu and Kururi...are gonna be twenty this year._

 _And then, there's the flea._

 _Why is the flea back?_

 _Why is he here in Ikebukuro?_

 _Celty and Kadota suggested that the flea might know something about that drug._

 _Kadota and the others saw Izaya yesterday._

 _I just saw him today._

 _Which means, if Izaya hasn't met anyone else_ _—_

 _He only just came back yesterday._

 _Yesterday._

 _Two days before the Coming of Age Ceremony._

 _The ceremony that Kururi and Mairu are most probably gonna be attending._

 _The ceremony for people, some of whom are still in college._

 _The age group where that drug is being passed around and gaining popularity._

 _And Kururi is_ _—_

— _missing._

 _Kururi who is also_ _—_

 _Orihara Izaya's younger sister._

 _"Would you rather play detective...?"_

Shizuo leaps onto his feet.

"Hey, what's gotten—"

"Where's Mairu?"

He asks, cutting Togusa off, eyes darting around as though it would make the adolescent girl in question appear instantly.

"Huh? She said she's out to take a—"

"Answering a phone call should not take that fucking long. _Where's Mairu?_ "

He doesn't wait to see the way both Kadota and Togusa's eyes widen at that, and hurriedly heads for the door. He slides it open—

—and there he sees her, staring blankly at the screen of her phone, while Erika and Walker are standing beside her with solemn expressions coating their faces.

"What's going on here?"

"...Shizu-Shizu," Erika murmurs the nickname she came up for him when she turns in her direction.

"...What happened?" Shizuo asks, his tone gentle and quiet.

Erika casts a sympathetic glance in Mairu's direction.

"Poor girl... If I find out who did such a thing, I'm going to make sure that person ends up in a much worse off state."

"Huh?"

"Just…take a look at the phone, Heiwajima-san," Walker says, pointing at the device in Mairu's hands.

And Shizuo walks over, battling the dry lump in his throat that he can't seem to swallow, and slowly but surely leans over so that he can see whatever it is that has Mairu so still and silent, characteristics that he never imagines he will ever associate with her.

When he realises what it is, he takes in a sharp breath, his nostrils flare, and he clenches his fists so tightly they would have drawn blood by now if his skin belonged to that of a normal human.

* * *

 _Riiiiing riiiiing_ _—_

 _Riiiiiing riiiiing_ _—_

"Hello? Kishitani Shinra here. How may I be of service?"

"...Shinra."

"Shizuo-kun? Well, this is a surprise. I was about to give you a call, but something cropped up and I need to rush over to attend to it. Is there any particular reason why you're calling me? Because if not, could I trouble you to call again later? This is really urgent and I haven't the time to—"

"The flea's sisters are in trouble."

"...Eh?"

"I said, the flea's sisters—"

"No no, I heard you just fine. It's just... How did you know about that?"

"...And how did _you_?"

"Me? Well... That's actually what I'm in a rush for. I got a photo of Kururi-chan from an unknown sender and when I dialed the number, the person on the other end of the line gave me the address and told me to hurry."

"That's... Mairu got the same picture."

"Ah, is that so? So you're with Mairu-chan, then? That's how you know?"

"...How the hell are you so calm."

"I'm a doctor, Shizuo-kun. I've done vivisections since I was four. Blood and gore doesn't faze me in the least."

"Don't you even give a shit that Kururi might be in danger? Or hell, she might even be dying for all we know?"

"Of course I do. Why else do you think I'm rushing over now? Besides, she's not the one who's dying, I think."

"...Huh?"

"After all, that isn't even her blood she's lying in."

"...How...do you even know?"

"How, you say... I mean, there aren't even any obvious wounds on her. That's clue number one. Even if you were to say the blood somehow came from her orifices, there's still no reason why her face looks so clean, and by that I mean no traces of blood around her nostrils or ears, and the cloth that's used to cover her eyes and mouth are perfectly spotless. Free from any blood stains. However I look at it, there's no way she could have lost all that blood and still look like she just came out of a shower. Even if, say, whoever it is that kidnapped her is twisted enough to clean her up after killing her and then put her back into that pool of blood, it doesn't make sense how they can pull off such a time-consuming task and yet the blood can still look so fresh."

"..."

"Ahaha, you're starting to think of yourself as an idiot for falling for that kidnapper's trick, right?"

"..."

"Okay, okay. Please don't get mad. Now sorry but I really have to go. Maybe I'll call you—"

"Why are you in such a hurry, then?"

"...Eh?"

"If you're so sure that Kururi is safe... Then why are you rushing down to wherever the place is?"

"That's... Urk..."

"You said that Kururi isn't the one who's dying… So there's someone else who is."

"Ahaha, did I say such a thing?"

"There's something you're not telling me. Shinra, whose blood is that?"

"Listen, Shizuo-kun, I can't talk right—"

"Bullshit. If you're so certain that you need to keep this a secret from me, you could've just ended the call already. The fact that you haven't means that some part of you wants to tell me."

"..."

"So tell me already. _Whose blood is it?_ "

"..."

"…Shinra."

"...Hah. You got me, Shizuo-kun. Looks like I can't keep anything from you. You're right. I didn't want to let you know about this, because I wanted to deal with this myself and I don't want to my loved one to worry, but... I think, I'm going to need your help for this after all. Especially if I want to make sure I return home safe to my beloved."

"So spit it out already, so that I can help you. Help Mairu, and help Kururi."

"...To be honest I'm not even sure if I'm right. I'm only heading down to see for myself, but for all I know it could just be a trap to lure me there. I wouldn't put it past that person to have planned it like that, if his motive is to get to somebody else."

"...You know who's behind this?"

"You can say that, yes."

"...Who is it?"

"Shizuo-kun, I— Look, let's just agree to meet up somewhere first, and I'll tell you more on the way. Alright? Where are you right now?"

"Shinra—"

"Where are you, Shizuo-kun?"

"…Outside Russia Sushi."

"Outside Russia Sushi? Great. I'll go and meet you there, then. See you later, Shizuo-kun."

 _Beep._

 _Beeeeeeep—_

 _Beeeeeeep—_

* * *

Shinra was right.

* * *

They met, they fought, and they went all out in trying to kill the other, and in the end one of them disappeared, his fate unknown; the other remained in Ikebukuro, leading the life he always wished he had. He thought, then, that it didn't matter if Izaya was alive, at the end of it all.

He just wanted the flea gone from his life.

Shizuo thought that that was all there was to the relationship they had, if it could even be called that.

Until, one day.

He was asked to be interviewed. An interview about his understanding of Orihara Izaya as a person.

It was then he realised. That the flea had to be alive.

And that realisation—

Set his heart at ease.

 _Aaahh I didn't kill anyone after all._

Was what he had thought.

 _And Vorona...didn't end up killing someone because of me._

The relief he had felt could not be sufficiently described by words alone.

At that time, he didn't think he would meet with the flea ever again. The possibility never even crossed his mind, because he was dead set on hoping that day would never come. But at the very least, he resolved to himself, he would try not to end up attempting to kill the flea again.

Because even if it were Izaya he was talking about, Shizuo didn't want to go through all of that ever again.

In Shizuo's mind, it had been that simple.

Izaya was either alive or dead.

If the flea was dead, then he was dead, and Shizuo would have had to live with the realisation and understanding and acceptance of himself as a monster. The monster Izaya had died proving him to be.

If the flea was alive, then he was alive, and Shizuo wouldn't have to live as a monster. And if they ever did meet again, heaven forbid, Shizuo would try not to kill him. And maybe, even, try to…

No, that would only be too idealistic of him.

Izaya was either alive or dead, and the verdict was that he was alive. There was no in-between.

There wasn't supposed to be an in-between.

He might have called Izaya a zombie during that interview, but he hadn't meant it in that way when he said it.

It was just an analogy, dammit. He didn't think he was being so on-point with a crude description like that.

The flea was alive. The flea wasn't dead. There was no in-between. There shouldn't be an in-between.

And then, of course—

The zombie just has to go and prove him wrong.

* * *

"It's a miracle," is the first thing Shinra breathes out, dreamily and seemingly in a daze as he steps out of the room that he uses as his makeshift operating theatre.

The underground doctor quickly finds himself surrounded by seven people, most of whom have gathered here for a common purpose – another miracle in and by itself, when one considers who it is they have come here for.

[Shinra...how is he?]

"Will he be okay? Is he gonna be okay? Please, Doctor-san, tell us?"

"Hey Kuru-nee and I were going to ask that first!"

"...Family (My brother)... Safe (Is he going to live)...?"

"One at a time, one at a time... Geez, to think I would actually live to see the day where this many people would be this concerned about that guy. Sure is a far cry from when he only has me to call if he gets stabbed and hospitalised and I would just hang up on him. Gets me all nostalgic just thinking about that."

"C'mon, Shinra, don't leave us hanging," Shizuo says, a bit impatiently.

Shinra raises both hands in a somewhat jovial manner of surrender.

"Ahh— Alright, alright."

He then proceeds to elaborate, still looking as if he's just witnessed the birth of the universe.

"Like I said, it's a miracle. Two stab wounds, seven lacerations, a bullet to the shoulder and another narrowly missing his spine— He was on the brink of going into hypovolemic shock, too, and I'm surprised he didn't already by the time we found him. But then again, he's managed to survive arguably worse wound, and I suppose it's also partly because his attacker intended for him to die a slow and painful death, so he deliberately avoided all the fatal points... But still, he was really lucky. If Shizuo-kun and I didn't get there in time, that guy really would've fired another bullet, right into his spine. If that had happened, Izaya might have become paralyzed for real, even if he did manage to survive that."

"...'For real'?"

Mairu echoes. Kururi's eyes widen slightly, but she doesn't say anything.

"Hmm~ That's right, you don't know yet."

Haruto chirps, in a manner that is eerily similar to Izaya when the informant has found another human (read: toy) to play with.

"Actually, Izaya-san can walk."

"But, but that's... Kuru-nee said..."

"I know he needs a wheelchair, but really, he can. It's just that—"

"That's not the point!"

Mairu cries out, swinging her arm and fanning her fingers as though she had just tried to slap away the air around her.

Kururi stands by her, a mix of a frown and a pout etched on her features as she clenches her fists.

"...Reason (Why)... Leave (didn't he get away?)...? That man (The attacker)... Murder (could've killed him)..."

"That's right! If Iza-nii didn't need that wheelchair... If he could've walked and run and jump and all, why did he just stay there? Why did he let himself almost get killed like that? And have Kuru-nee watch it all happen when he could've just picked her up and escaped? That's just cruel! Cruel Iza-nii!"

"...Despicable (Just the worst)... Abhorrent (I hate him)..."

"Kururi-dono, Mairu-dono, do calm down—"

"We're perfectly calm!"

Mairu swerves to face Sozoro. Kururi does the same, but more slowly.

"...Concur (I agree)..."

Sozoro's built and trained shoulders slump as he sighs. He bends forward a little, almost like a grandfather trying to squat to regard a pair of children at eye level, but at the height the twins are at now he doesn't need to go to that extent. However, the inherent intention is still there, and the twins, who realise what he's doing, fall silent but the tension in their expressions doesn't let up.

Until, Sozoro tells them, and effectively everybody else in the room as well who have been keeping quiet to let the two Oriharas indulge in their tantrum—

"It pains him to move his legs, you must understand."

The tension in the apartment seems to grow thicker at that.

"Haruto-kun might've said that Izaya-dono can walk. But to put it more precisely, he can't manage more than just a handful of steps before those legs of his give way. And each and every step, mind you, requires a lot of effort for him to take. Even simply crossing his legs pains him."

He pauses then, giving Shizuo a sideway glance before looking away and returning his attention to the twins.

"How, then, can such a man be capable of running? Or even jumping, for that matter, or escaping to save his life? No, for Izaya-dono such a thing can only remain but a mere dream. One that seems impossibly distant, and completely unreachable in his current state."

"Is..."

Shizuo begins, his throat hoarse and dry, making it all the more difficult for him to voice his words out.

"Is it...because of me? That he's become like that?"

Sozoro regards him again, this time with an unsympathetic gaze.

"Strictly speaking, Shizuo-dono, while you may have no doubt had a hand in it, ultimately the reason why Izaya-dono is in such a state is entirely because of Izaya-dono himself."

"...?"

"With the right kind of therapy and time, he can surely recover the mobility in his legs. That is what the doctors have said. However, Izaya-dono has to first be willing to commit to the treatment they have advised. And that...is the problem."

"...He doesn't want to recover?" Mairu says quietly.

"Izaya-dono seems to be under the impression that his current state reflect how he has changed, somewhat. Before, he would toy with others and watch from a distance where he would not be placed in harm's way. However, with the way he is now..."

"Now he has no way to escape," Shinra says, with full understanding.

"That is precisely it," Sozoro agrees, nodding.

"I see, so that's it. I've been wondering why Orihara-kun decided to come back and turn himself over so willingly at his attacker's doorstep, even though he knew fully well what kind of fate awaited him."

Shinra then shakes his head, giving an exasperated sigh.

"Really, there's no denying it, is there? Orihara-kun's love for humans."

"...Yes," Sozoro slowly gives his affirmation. "I would suppose not."

"I'm a romanticist at heart, so I can't say I disapprove of that. But at the very least, I hope that he can choose some place other than here as his burial spot next time. The last thing we all need is to be connected to him via his blood on the land we walk on."

Sozoro chortles at that, and strokes his beard.

"Rest assured, Shinra-dono, this is most likely the last Ikebukuro will see of Izaya-dono, and Izaya-dono of Ikebukuro as well. That brat has no shortage of other playgrounds to keep him occupied, after all. We will be taking our leave once Izaya-dono has recovered from his most recent injuries."

"Ahaha, I'm glad I have your word, at least."

"...I still don't get it," Shizuo grumbles.

Himari walks up to him and pokes his arm, her face devoid of any emotion.

"...To put in another way," she says. "Izaya onii-chan is — a zombie."

"...Zombie?"

"That's right... A zombie."

Himari replies, nodding.

A zombie.

The exact term Shizuo had used to describe Izaya.

He didn't mean it in the literal meaning, but the idea has always been there.

Like how zombies would relentlessly chase after human beings to no end, compelled only by their raw desire to consume them—

Orihara Izaya, too, would pursue his obsession to the point of putting even his own life on the line. Even if the object of his desire seeks to kill him, he would still willingly throw himself into the fire. And each time he survives the ordeal he puts himself in, he does it again and again, all because of one thing and one thing alone.

Humans.

As zombies crave for human flesh and brains, Izaya lives on observing the complexity that is human nature, and sometimes he cannot help himself from pulling a few strings here and there just so he can watch how things would unfold. Yes, in that vein, he is not all that different from an undead creature that only exists in the fictional world.

But—

 _"...At the end of the day, Izaya's still human, you know."_

Shizuo considers what Himari said for a moment, before letting out a wry chuckle.

"...Yeah," he breathes out, "he is."

* * *

Once, Shizuo met with two high school students.

Students who reminded him very much of himself and Izaya.

And he watched, how they interacted. How they talked to each other, how they regarded one another. And it got him thinking. Wishing. Desiring. For something that seemed like the impossible.

But he brushed that thought aside, after a close friend advised him against thinking that way. And he didn't think he would ever entertain such a thought ever again—

Until Orihara Izaya enters his life one more time.

* * *

[...Are you sure about this, Shizuo?]

"Yeah," Shizuo answers, and then he adds after a brief pause, "I think so."

Celty's shoulders slump; whether it's because she's relieved or exasperated, he can't exactly tell. Perhaps it's a mix of both, which seems quite likely considering what he's about to do.

[I'm still not all that confident about the outcome of this... I mean, you told me before that you still haven't really forgiven him for all he's done to you.]

"I still think that," Shizuo admits, recalling he's said the same thing to Kadota just hours prior to this. "But... I guess that's why I want to give this...this thing a try. Damn, I don't even know what to call this thing..."

[See? You're not even ready for this.]

"...Maybe," Shizuo agrees, quietly, meekly. He scratches the back of his head. "Maybe I'm not. But if I don't do this now, Celty, things are just gonna remain the way they are, and there'll be no end to it. And I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to try again."

Celty doesn't reply to that and Shizuo doesn't speak any further on the topic himself, and for the next couple of minutes they simply remain as they are in silence, save for the sounds of three people breathing, one person's light snoring, and of the monitor next to the bed.

The sound of somebody typing on a keyboard is soon added to the mix.

[I know how you feel. That's why I can't help but worry. Not just for you, but for Izaya, too. Shizuo, if Izaya isn't prepared for what you're about to ask of him – and I'm sorry but I feel that there is a need to be blunt with you here – you're only going to make things worse. And from what you've told me about your meeting with him, I really don't think he's ready for this, either.]

"...He's not just not ready, I think. He's the complete opposite of ready. Or even worse than the complete opposite of ready."

[...Since you know that, then why...?]

Shizuo gives her a weak smile.

"Because... I don't want it to end like this."

* * *

Shizuo is the only one who's keeping vigil by Izaya's bedside the entire night.

After Shinra declared that it was alright for Izaya to get visitors, the twins barged in like it was nobody's business, crawled onto the bed and took one side each next to their older brother who was covered in bandages and hooked up to a vitals monitor despite Shinra protesting against them to do so. He later gave up on that entirely when he remembered who he was dealing with, and retreated to his own room after sending Sozoro, Haruto and Himari off; Sozoro refused to stay any longer than he had deemed necessary lest Izaya woke up at some point and took it to mean that Sozoro cared for him – which he did not, _thank you very much_ – and Haruto decided against staying when Sozoro told him to accord the twins some privacy, while Himari just seemed disappointed that Izaya wasn't about to die anytime soon.

 _"Ahaha that girl's gonna go places,"_ Shinra had said.

Shizuo, on the other hand, had decided to stay, for the sole reason that he could discuss with Izaya about something once the black-haired man wakes up. Celty joined him for a bit, and after waiting for the twins to fall asleep they talked about Shizuo's reason for staying before she left the room herself and returned to Shinra's side, leaving Shizuo to watch over the sleeping figures of three Oriharas all by himself.

He doesn't know how long he's been awake for, nor how late it has gotten into the night, but he does feel the exhaustion from the day's events weighing down on his eyelids, and soon enough he starts to feel like he's drifting off into sleep himself.

Until—

"...Mmm...?"

Shizuo jolts awake, eyes immediately darting over to the person lying in the middle of the bed. He gets up from his seat.

"Oi, fl— I mean, Izaya?"

"...Unh...mm..."

Izaya groans as he stirs from his drug-induced sleep, blinking repeatedly but slowly as if to blink the anaesthetic away, and when it looks like he's finally lucid enough he turns in Shizuo's direction, as though to acknowledge his presence, and his eyes appear to widen slightly, his breathing a little bit more hitched and erratic, his entire body going as stiff as a rock, once his eyes meet with Shizuo's.

"Shi... Shizu-chan...?"

"...Yeah, it's me," Shizuo murmurs back, being mindful of the loudness he's speaking at lest he wakes the twins up.

"...Where...?"

"At Shinra's," Shizuo replies, picking his chair up and quietly sitting down. "We brought you here."

Izaya seems to relax at that, slowly smoothing back into his usual self – or, as usual as he is in the days Shizuo hasn't seen him for.

"Shinra's... I see. So I guess it's a failure, again," Izaya says, chuckling softly.

Shizuo tries but fails to ignore the chill that travels down his spine at that.

"So," Izaya continues speaking, "what became of Nakura-kun?"

"...Huh?"

"Nakura-kun," he repeats the name like it doesn't belong to the man who just tried to kill him. "What became of him?"

"Oh... He's, uh, he's dead," Shizuo replies.

Izaya nods like he expected such an outcome.

"As I thought. Suicide?"

"Yeah."

"Let me guess, he pointed the gun at his own face?"

"...The hell, were you actually conscious when that happened?"

"No no, it just seemed like he would do that."

Izaya laughs, but stops when he notices his sisters shifting about in their sleep. His features appear to soften, as does the smile on his face which is beginning to turn slightly bitter.

"I see... So in the end, Nakura-kun has proven himself to be even braver than I can ever hope to be. It's just too bad I didn't get to see him till his very end."

Shizuo doesn't say anything to that.

"How much do you remember?" he opts to ask instead.

"Bits and pieces. To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur to me. The last thing I seem to recall is taking a bullet to the spine. I think the pain from that really did the trick and knocked me out entirely."

"But flea, I mean Izaya, you... That bullet didn't hit your spine."

The look of bewilderment on Izaya's face makes Shizuo wish he could retract his words.

"...It didn't? Hmm, is that so..."

"...Flea. No, Izaya. Your legs... Do you...?"

"If you mean to ask if I can feel them, Shizu-chan… No. No I cannot."

Shizuo nearly makes a choking sound.

"But that doesn't... The bullet didn't nick your spine at all."

"Isn't that strange? My spine is completely unharmed, yet I honestly can't feel my legs, for some reason."

And Izaya, he smiles in spite of the situation he's in. And what really, really frustrates Shizuo, is that he can tell that Izaya is truly smiling from the bottom of his heart, not hiding behind a mask that he used to wear during his shitty days as a flea.

"Hang on I'll go wake Shinra—"

"It's fine, Shizu-chan," Izaya politely turns down his offer.

"But why? Shinra might know—"

"Actually I think I already know the answer... No, I _do_ know what it is. So there's no need to trouble Shinra over something like this."

Shizuo, confused, sits back down.

"So... What is it?"

Izaya flashes him a bright, refreshing smile.

"Before that, can I ask you a question, Shizu-chan?"

"Uh, sure...?"

"What did you come here for?"

"...Huh?"

"Like I said, what are you here for? And don't answer that with a question of your own, please."

"Hey, you're the one who—"

"Shizu-chan," Izaya sighs. Shizuo clicks his tongue.

"Not gonna tell you with that kind of—"

"Are you here to finish what we started?"

Shizuo's breath gets caught in his throat.

"... _What?_ "

"You know, what we started that day, four years ago? It's impossible that you'd forget, after all it was such a—"

"No, I— I remember," Shizuo responds, dumbfounded. "I remember it...all too well."

"Then I'm right. That must be why you're here."

"What, no—"

"So hurry it up then," Izaya says, closing his eyes, which makes the implications all that much worse. "Do what you came here for."

Shizuo clenches his fists.

"I didn't come here to end you, flea."

Copper eyes regard him again.

"...What?"

"I'm here because I want to ask you something. Not to... Shit, where the hell did you even get that idea from anyway?"

Shizuo shakes his head, pausing for a moment.

"...Are you really...that scared of me?"

There he asks it. The question that's been on his mind this entire time. Ever since meeting Izaya again in that chance encounter, just earlier in the morning that day, in the middle of work.

The question that Shizuo himself has been afraid of asking.

Against the better judgement Shizuo normally associates with him Izaya tries to sit up before Shizuo can stop him. Shizuo can only imagine how much pain he must be in, because the wince on Izaya's pale face tells him it can't be all that pleasant, just getting up. He can't manage sitting upright fully, and his hand presses against his left side, where Shizuo remembers seeing the handle of one of the many knives that's been used to cut the raven-haired man up jutting out from, and Shizuo is reminded once again of the first thing Shinra said when he stepped out of the OR.

A miracle.

Just like how Izaya has managed to survive the night from four years back.

A miracle.

And yet here is the same fortunate man, asking to be killed all over again.

It's absolutely baffling, and it's made even more so because Izaya is being so brutally honest about it.

"Scared...?"

Izaya rolls the word off his tongue like it means everything and nothing to him at the same time. He chuckles dryly.

"Is that it? What you came to ask for? Whether I've become _fearful_ of you?"

"...It's not exactly it... But it's kinda related."

"So then, say if I were to agree to such a claim... What do you intend to do?"

"...Hn. Nice try, Izaya. You'd have to give an actual yes or no answer to find out."

"...I see."

Izaya sighs, yet the corners of his lips curl to form a smile. He doesn't give an answer, however, so Shizuo continues speaking.

"It's true, isn't it. You're trying to make all our conversations sound normal or whatever while pretending you're not freaking out on the inside this whole time. That's... That's also why you can't feel your legs right now. You try to look and sound like you're okay but actually you've just been mentally preparing yourself for—"

"Yes," Izaya replies, cutting him off with such a direct affirmation that Shizuo immediately falls silent. "It's true. You've become quite the intimidating presence for me, Shizu-chan. I'm sure you've noticed, you're merely seeking confirmation from me, and now you have it. Are you satisfied, now?"

"Satisfied...? How can I be satisfied with something like that...? Knowing that you... You've become scared of me when you weren't before..."

"Hey now, what's with your reaction? Not that it's not all that fascinating to observe, but haven't you already expected this?"

"And you're still talking like it's nothing… 'Satisfied'? Me? Who the hell do you think I am? Do you honestly think it makes me happy knowing that I'm talking to somebody who's gotten scared of me when they weren't before? Even if that person is you?"

"Shizu-chan..."

Izaya closes his eyes, appearing thoughtful for a moment, before he opens them again.

"...Alright, I admit. Perhaps I've underestimated you once again, after all. Old habits die hard, you know?"

He gives a rather cynical smile as he says so.

Shizuo scoffs.

"That's a pretty shitty apology... But, I'll take it."

"My, how generous."

"Only this once," Shizuo hurriedly adds. Izaya snickers.

Watching him, and basking in this shared moment of a semblance of an ordinary conversation, Shizuo waits. He waits until Izaya is done snickering, waits until the room is filled with just the sounds of Mairu's snoring and Kururi's breathing again, waits until it looks like sleep is about to lull Izaya into dreamland again, when Shizuo makes his decision.

 _This is it_ , he thinks. _It's now or never._

Shizuo draws in a deep breath.

And then, he releases it—

Along with a question.

"Flea... No, Izaya."

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering... Can we...?"

Izaya looks at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Do you think we could, maybe...start over and be—"

"…Ah. Hey, look," Izaya cuts him off at the most crucial part, turning his attention away to something past Shizuo's shoulder rather than at Shizuo himself. Whether it's deliberate or not, Shizuo can't tell for sure, because while the timing is all too coincidental—

"The sun is rising."

—when he turns around and looks out of the window, he confirms it with his own two eyes.

"...Huh, you're right," Shizuo notes, softly. "It is."

Although it isn't the kind of spectacular view that one would expect considering their current location, being on one of the higher floors of the apartment that's located across the highway means it's still possible to be treated to quite an impressive sight of the sky melting from the blackness of night to the purplish blue of dawn, a blend between the colours as the sun makes its ascent – an ascent that cannot be seen in its entirety, but its effects are certainly felt and easy to witness – and soon it will be ready to shine its bright light upon the people of Ikebukuro, signalling the start of yet another day.

The day of the Coming of Age Ceremony.

"...Hey Izaya."

"Hmm?" Izaya hums back his reply after a yawn.

Shizuo turns away from the view of dawn's arrival splashed across the window, and instead glances at the two sleeping figures on the bed before meeting Izaya's eyes.

And then he asks again—

This time deciding to tweak the phrasing a little.

A tiny grin finds its way onto his face.

"If Shinra thinks it's alright for you... Do you wanna join me, him and Kadota in watching this year's Coming of Age Ceremony together? I know your sisters will be happy...even if they say they're not – their kimonos are beautiful, by the way – and Shinra and Kadota have been... Well, they've kinda been hoping the two of us can join in too.

"So whaddya say?"

Shizuo continues asking, tilting his head to the side slightly as he anticipates Izaya's answer.

"Think you're feeling up for it?"

* * *

A/N: Aaaaaaaand I am finally done! Woohoo! Maaan when I got the idea for this story it was supposed to be a pretty short fic. Like, I thought it would only hit 2k to 4k words, but in the end I wrote a novel lol

This is a birthday fic for a close friend of mine. I've been writing these for the past few years, but I hit a block this year because I didn't know what to write. But during my recent trip to Tokyo, I found the Love sculpture in Shinjuku that Izaya was knocked into and then somehow my love for the series came back in full force after that, and this idea hit me not long after.

Audrey, this is for you. I remember we once talked about how cool it would be for Shizuo and Izaya to have a common goal like rescuing their younger siblings and working together because of how badass it would be. I'm sorry there's no such coolness or badassery at play here orz It _was_ supposed to be that kind of fic, made a whole lot cooler because Izaya is in a wheelchair and he'd be wheeling into enemy base while putting on airs and pretending he's Professor X and all lol but somehow the plot…ran away from me… orz Hope you've enjoyed this piece regardless! ^ ^

Okay, to talk about this fic in more detail... (This is going to be a very long A/N)

There's actually a ton of references to the Izaya Sunset novel in here. In fact it would probably be more accurate to say that this is a DRRR x Izaya series crossover fic since Narita-sensei hints that the Sunset novel is part of an Izaya novel series. There are so many references that I have no idea how to begin... So I'll just start with the title first.

Sunrise, obviously because of the "Sunset" in the title of the Izaya novel. While sunset has a slightly more ominous connotation, I chose Sunrise in response because it has a more hopeful impression, and it ties in neatly with the main theme/motif of the fic, which is "the breaking of and completion of cycles". Just as the sun will set, it will surely rise again, and it goes like this in one complete cycle, each and every day. And so do the relationships and events that take place in this fic.

The most prominent relationship, most likely, is that between Shizuo and Izaya. It seems like it goes all over the place and heads towards a suddenly very hopeful and positive ending, but it's actually mentioned in SH that Shizuo did consider the possibility of him and Izaya getting along and becoming friends, as opposed to hating and trying to kill each other. But I can't imagine this going smoothly in the least, and I think some part of Shizuo also realises that such a thing may be impossible. That's kinda why I chose to write this mainly through Shizuo's POV, somewhat, because I want to show how meeting Izaya again without being prepared for it can make him so confused about what he should be doing or feeling. On one hand, he wants to try and be like Yahiro and Kuon, but on the other he still can't quite let go of the past either. Ultimately the part of him that wants to try and be friends with Izaya wins him over... But if I have to be realistic, I'm almost certain that it's Izaya who would ruin this, even if Shizuo follows Kadota's advice of being sincere to Izaya about wanting to be a friend to a tee. If it's anybody else I think Izaya might consider – but the problem is that it's Shizuo. Who Izaya has become afraid of. Yeah.

Izaya himself brings a whole basket of issues to the table that I think he needs to sort out first... I won't go into the details, but to put simply reading the novel made me wanna hug and protect and slap Izaya senseless at the same time. It's complicated.

(By the way, even though majority of this is in Shizuo's third-person POV, Shizuo is not the protagonist. He's one of the main characters, certainly, but the actual protagonist is Izaya. If you remove Shizuo from the picture, you'll realise that, actually, Shizuo plays a very minor and inconsequential role in the whole thing, except for just the last bit. More on that later.)

Anyway, yes. In short there's a breakaway (sunset) from their past relationship and the beginning (sunrise) of a new, albeit idealised one. I keep sprinkling the idea of "beginning-and-end cycles" all over the fic, so you can have fun trying to pick those out; it's not only limited to the character relationships, too. Haha.

But here one other relationship I do want to bring up is that of Shinra, Izaya and Nakura, because that one plays quite a big role and is actually the main plot of the fic (plot? What plot?)

It's not explicitly mentioned, but the general flow of the major events that happened is: Nakura wants revenge against Izaya for the years of torment and hell that Izaya's put him through - Lies in wait for the perfect opportunity while digging up info on Izaya - Designs that weirdo drug using his knowledge as the Legal Drug Club pres and releases it to gain attention - Izaya is hired to look into it - Nakura kidnaps Kururi and informs Izaya about it - Izaya goes on his way to the place Nakura is hiding at; this is when he bumps into Shizuo again - After Shizuo leaves Izaya goes on his way again - Nakura wounds him terribly, lets Izaya bleed out, and then moves Izaya aside to place Kururi on his blood to take the photo - Nakura sends the photo to lure Shinra over because he thinks it would be perfect if Shinra is there too - Shinra and Shizuo both arrive, there's a bit of a scuffle, Nakura commits suicide

...Yeah I realise it's not clear in the fic at all. I'm so sorry orz

But um, yeah. Basically it's Nakura's revenge plot against Izaya and how things come in one full circle. He's determined to end things, and he wants Izaya to come to him instead of him going to where Izaya is which is why went that far for the drug thing. Kidnapping Kururi was just because he wanted her to witness how he would torture Izaya. For someone so oppressed like Nakura I would imagine he'd want some kind of audience he could sort of "share" this with. He invited Shinra for a similar reason, and also because he felt a bit guilty over that stabbing incident in middle school; he was ranting to Shinra about how "this is all it should be" with Izaya bleeding out on the floor when Shinra got over. I might write the whole scene out someday because I like seeing Izaya bleeding and in pai—I mean, because I like writing. Yeah, because I like writing. That's what I wanted to say.

As you can see, Shizuo's role in this is pretty inconsequential. Him being there doesn't actually change or catalyse anything, since he has nothing to do with the conflict between Izaya and Nakura and by extension Shinra. Even though Shinra said he felt better with Shizuo there... actually Shinra doesn't need that kind of protection, since he now has Saika to fall back on. He can easily stop Nakura all by himself, really.

And Izaya knew all along that it was Nakura, of course. He went into this willingly and he was fully expecting to die, though he also knew that Nakura probably wouldn't let him off that easily. He just wanted to observe how far Nakura's resolve as a human being would go, basically, even if it means nearly getting himself killed.

This brings me to why I keep talking about his legs throughout the fic. Again I won't go into too much detail lest this turns into an essay about me sobbing over Izaya, but essentially the reason why Izaya now has trouble walking has been explained somewhat by Sozoro in the fic; it's partly psychosomatic, and it's related to his love for humanity in a way. Izaya found that his love in the past had been "impure", and now he has changed and he's become more willing to face death if it means he gets to observe human beings in particular situations he normally wouldn't be able to if he stays by the sidelines. But because now he holds such a belief, he sees his partial immobility as a symbol, somewhat, of his decision not to escape or run away like he used to anymore – because, well, he can't even if he wanted to; his legs wouldn't let him. At some part of the novel Izaya does ponder about the possibility of walking and running freely again, but he also worries that if that happens he'll revert to how he was once like, so I do think he views his own condition as a physical representation of how his mindset has changed. That's why, in this fic, I also used his legs as a way of showing what Izaya might be thinking or feeling. And if I ever write about wheelchair!Izaya again – which is quite likely because I love me some wheelchair!Izaya – I'll most likely employ this same technique again too.

I actually have a lot more to say, but this is way too long so I'll just talk about one last reference and I'll end it there. This last point is a reference to one section of SH, where it's mentioned that Shizuo's childhood dream was to be a detective. I thought it was pretty cute, and also a rather uncanny coincidence because I once wrote a short AU oneshot with detective!Shizuo who has Izaya as his informant that I never got around to publishing it here, and so I've referenced it here because, well, Shizuo _is_ kinda being like a detective here, in a sense! Haha

Okay, okay, I'll stop here. Thanks for reading and sticking with the fic till the end! :) And I'm so sorry about the length, I'll try to keep my oneshots short next time…


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